Cannot boot live USB - Dell Latitude 3570

[ubviwrujn]

Hello, downloaded Kali 2016.1 amd64 ISO, dd'd on a USB, tried launching it on my brand new Dell Latitude 3570.

Full specs here (# lshw). https://paste.debian.net/hidden/03da6511/

What happens:

• Attempting UEFI boot: black screen past GRUB.
• Attempting legacy boot: PCIe Bus Error like this. [imgur.com]
  Hangs there and prints those repeatedly. Device [8086:9d14] seems to be the Intel Wifi card.
  Tried failsafe boot, also with pcie=noaer, black screen and nothing else.

[duxim]

try with lite version of Kali 64 bit
disable fast boot,secure boot and put bios in legacy mode and then try

[ubviwrujn]

Nope, no dice!
Black, backlit screen. No response to CTRL+ALT+DEL.
Also tried failsafe: blinking cursor.