Updater app won't launch (Kali 2017.1)

[AnonVendetta]

I just installed Kali 2017.1 on my laptop, with Gnome as the DE. Everything looks fine when I get to the desktop. So I connect to the Net and click on the update icon, nothing happens, it won't even launch. I've tried with root as well as a standard user, same results. Typing "apt-get update" in a terminal looks like it's doing something (checking the repos), but then it just drops me back to the prompt with no additional output.

I've also tried installing with and without a Net connection. The installer doesnt recognize my WLAN (asks for additional firmware), but once on the desktop Wi-Fi works fine. I was able to use wired Ethernet in the installer, no issues. I had thought that maybe initially installing without Net might be causing the updater to not work, since presumably the update repos/sources aren't added.

Installing in a VM gives the same results.

How am I supposed to use Kali in the longer term if such a critical feature is seemingly broken?

Specs:
Sager NP9876 (gaming notebook)
i7-7700K
16GB RAM
NVIDIA GTX 1080
Intel 8000 series WLAN (can't remember which model, but it's a recent one)/several Alfa adapters/Wi-Fi Pineapple/Raspberry Pi

I've used Linux for a bit but don't have much experience with Kali in particular.

Thanks for any help!

[Mister_X]

let's a quick intro to apt:

apt-get update: updates the packages lists.
apt-get dist-upgrade: actually update the system (upgrade updates less)

[AnonVendetta]

@Mister_X: Thanks for the info. I've used Kali and Debian before, I'm pretty sure that "apt-get update" is the correct command for updating. Isn't Kali based on Debian? I always thought that "apt-get dist-upgrade" was for upgrading Kali to the highest available version. But 2017.1 is my installed version, so there is nothing to upgrade to.

So, to get this straight:
apt-get update, updates package list but actually updates nothing?
apt-get dist-upgrade, actually updates rather than upgrades (but does less, as you say)?
Is there a apt-get dist-update?

Any other relevant apt-get commands I'm missing?

Either way, I'm sure the GUI updater should work, it did the last time I tried it months ago. Is this a bug? Or maybe my install is corrupt (doubtful, I checked the ISO hash)? How can I make it work the way it's supposed to? Is this broken for other users too?

Thanks!